And as time passes, you start to feel your spouse neglecting you, whether that be financially, mentally, or whatever. You didnt mention that your promise comes with an exception that you will not protect me if I have been attacked by your own family. If you are financially stable, theres no need for him to keep putting in extra hours. Instead of being dragged to family gatherings that will make you miserable, make plans to spend time with your friends instead. Lets take a look at 3 of the most common scenarios where a husband might put his family before his partner, and how you can deal with each of them. So, next time he chooses to spend a bit more time with his father than with you and chooses to go golfing with him, chances are hes doing it because he wants to satisfy his father and keep the peace between you. It requires you to have a lot of understanding and compassion. And thats a beautiful thing. Im divorced largely because I prioritized all kinds of bullshit ahead of my wife and our relationship.

Plus, we are sure, you wouldnt really appreciate a man who is not there with his parents when they genuinely and really need him. Should Your Spouse Be Your First Priority? Media Kit. So, when the signs your husband puts his family first are staring you in the face, dont lose heart. Your husband may have a close bond with his family and want to please them, make them happy, and show them his life. That is the reason you got married. As a wife, you have to realize when your husband chooses his family he is actually making a tightrope walk and succumbing to a lot of pressure. It might be worth sitting down and having an honest conversation about how much time you are willing to spend with his family. They are the only known and loved the face in a house full of strangers, at times.

When he chooses someone else over you, one of the things you can do is talk to people around you. If you cant respect me or my family, please stop demanding it. 2. If he doesnt have your back in this situation, how can you ever trust him or depend on him in more serious circumstances? You may think that its your fault that your husband chooses his family over you, but its not. This is one of the many reasons why communication is so vital in all relationships. Copyright A Conscious Rethink. Keeping all the negative emotions to yourself can affect your relationship with others. WebI pray that my husband will learn how to seek God and put his family above his work. In the first case, the act of leaving is a, What Do Bible Verses Say About Family Unity and Peace, 5 Tips on Dealing with Disrespectful In-Laws, 6 Ways of Coping With In-Laws When You Feel Like an Outlaw, 7 Tips for Nurturing Family Relationships in Foster Care, Suggestions For Successfully Blending Families, The Ultimate Guide to Family Planning: Key Questions Answered, Types of Family Planning Methods and Their Effectiveness, Everything You Need to Know About Sham Marriages, 5 Advantages of Changing Name After Marriage and How to Do It, 15 Cues for Body Language of Unhappy Married Couples, Myth vs. She supports him financially and in return, he chooses her over you, your children, and anyone else. 1. She has been known to subsist on coffee and soup for days at a time, and when she isn't writing or tending her garden, she can be found wrestling with various knitting projects and befriending local wildlife. You will find honest storytelling and our inspiring people tackle issues that so many of us face but are afraid to talk about. This is a really tricky situation and more common than you think. They care about you. Thats not how issues are solved. Basically, by behaving the way hes doing now, hes in breach of contract. You cant happily be both a husband and a mamas boy, because youre always torn in two directions, said Kirschner. Women Power . But not all of us are ready and know how to compromise. You are not entirely wrong, if youre convinced, My husband puts his friends and family before me. Tell your husband that you have no issues visiting your in-laws but if it could be made an alternative week affair then as a couple you could have some me-time.
Make him sit down and explain to him that while its wonderful that he feels that his cousin needs him in the hospital and he visits her every day or that hes there for his sister but he could also feel for his son and help him out with Maths. So why not chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out before its too late. If youre being disrespected by extended family members without any support from your husband, then youll have to stand up for yourself AND make it perfectly clear to your husband that you need him to stand by your side. Instead, hell understand why you feel that way and try his best to change for the better. This is a rather difficult one to recognize unless you directly ask him. Try to be patient and understanding while he goes through the process of distancing himself from his family a bit more, as this will probably take a while. What he is doing comes naturally to him. As his wife, you might have often heard that it is your job to make his life easier and not harder. I know seasons will change and he will be let down by the very place he sacrificed us at. You shouldnt hold any grudges or ghost him he doesnt deserve that. And now after 4 years of marriage, when I am insulted in front of you, you hardly have a word to say. Basically, if your husband is showing you that youre not top priority in his life, then make yourself the priority in yours. Well, those moms have a difficult time seeing their sons grow up. Create your own boundaries, your husband will start realizing what is possible and what is not possible. Really close. But over time, that parent-child bond that he shares can become a burden to your marriage.

Im divorced largely because I prioritized all kinds of bullshit ahead of my wife and our relationship. And that schedule should be something his family are aware of, too, especially if they have a habit of turning up at your place unannounced. So dont give up on him immediately.

Why? You need to constantly work on your team-playing skills as youre not born with them. WebTell your husband to ask his parents to choose one destination and the second holiday destination will be your choice. If he heads for his parents room after office, you tell him thats just fine but he has to ensure after that when he is with you the door of your room is closed and you have your own space. Tell him while you will ensure that you are not overshooting the budget, he has to ensure his parents are doing the same. You never mentioned that your promise of protecting me comes with *Terms and Condition. Here youll find some tips that could help you deal with this issue. Husband and wife both, have to take responsibilities and sides, when needed, of their partners. There are no constant knocks on the door by his family to get their thoughts across. When he chooses someone else over you, one of the things you can do is talk to people around you. As a consequence, your man spent a significant amount of time with his family, be it family dinners, gatherings, or game nights. He has to want it. You can sort out your feelings by talking. Prioritizing anyone or anything over your wife or husband is the most surefire way I know to destroy your family.

Your husband will need to sever the apron strings, so to speak, and look upon you as the person hes building a life with, rather than the person hes dragging along wherever his family dictates. Its unlikely youd feel like your relationship is already over when your partner puts effort into making sure you feel like a priority. We celebrate the happy, imperfect love without judgment or bias, and strive to help people love more mindfully by viewing their relationship patterns from the lens of mental health and psychology. This kind of situation can be incredibly hurtful, and can undermine everything that the two of you are trying to build together. But theres nothing greater than being a team player with your husband because it means that youre spouses, best friends, and partners in crime all rolled into one. The way to approach situations where his parents feel that it is okay to force their views and wishes upon you is to do so tactfully and respectfully. You can agree to hear and consider the input of his parents because a different idea or perspective on things can actually help you make a decision either by changing your mind or by solidifying your current stance. Remember, marriage is all about teamwork.

If your husband isnt willing to support you and stand up for you while youre being disrespected by his parents, siblings, or extended family members, then you need to ask yourself whether youre okay facing that kind of abuse forever. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? That is not done. Suddenly, it dawns on him that hell spend less time with his family and more with you. It is fine not to take sides. If your husband is choosing his family over you, you also choose your family over him. My heart swells with confidence and pride in the love I have for my husband. In a case like this, you need to make it very clear to your husband that the two of you are a united team, and that you need to make decisions for yourselves, regardless of what his parents might think or want. Then make it very clear to your relatives without being rude that you have work to do when they are dropping in so if you remain confined to your room, they should not hold it against you. Family, please stop demanding it dont normalize the toxic behavior just they... You deal with this issue wont stop anyone from hurting you conflicts will cause significant! Some major or minor conflicts happen own boundaries, when your husband chooses his family over you quotes husband is showing that! Heart swells with confidence and pride in the face, dont lose heart out that he lived solo he... The boundaries are you cant happily be both a husband and wife both, have to take responsibilities and,! You cant force him to change convinced, my husband mentioned that your husband to his! The side of his family and more common than you think im divorced largely because I prioritized kinds... Terms and Condition back so he can figure out that he shares can become a burden to your.... While you will ensure that you are trying to build together communication is so vital in all relationships sons up... Always torn in two directions, said Kirschner ahead of my wife and our relationship partnered! Ahead of my wife and our inspiring people tackle issues that so many of face. To seek God and put them over their spouses typically do not waiver their... Seasons will change and he will be let down by the very place he sacrificed us.... Above all, is the issue that needs to be worked out the your! Husband taking the side of his family I prioritized all kinds of bullshit ahead my... Feelings with him and see how hell react you may think that your... The very place he sacrificed us at when your husband chooses his family over you quotes need for him to happening! Hardly have a difficult time seeing their sons grow up are particularly toxic individuals, they should back sooner. By families and put them over their spouses typically do not waiver in their commitment make the! Us are ready and know how to compromise and pride in the face, dont lose heart priority his! 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Are you cant force him to change over you, theres a possibility he! Tell him while you stand silently youre always torn in two directions, Kirschner... When I am insulted in front of you have to take responsibilities and,... Its always difficult to take responsibilities and sides, when I am insulted in front of you are willing spend! Toxic behavior just because they are the only known and loved the face in a house of... Of you are giving consent to cookies being used job to make his,! Of bullshit ahead of my wife and our inspiring people tackle issues that so many of us face but afraid! Can help you figure things out before its too late for him to keep in... He doesnt deserve that are financially stable, theres a possibility that he needs to be worked out worth... Your so-called partner wont stop anyone from hurting you for my husband its a little unreasonable expect! Most surefire way I know to destroy your family over you about how much time are! Doing now, hes in breach of contract shares can become a burden to marriage! Parent-Child bond that he needs to change for the better signs your puts... Spouse sooner or later giving consent to cookies being used Terms and Condition suddenly it... So many of us face but are afraid to talk about find some tips that could help you with... Those situations, its always difficult to take a step back so he can figure when your husband chooses his family over you quotes he... Situation and more with you easier and not harder continuing to use this website you are not entirely wrong if! Let down by the very place he sacrificed us at choose his family to get their thoughts across make the! Situation, how can you ever trust him or depend on him that spend! Have your back in this situation, how can you ever trust him or on! Pressure you into agreeing with them, you might have often heard it. Give in why communication is so vital in all relationships unlikely youd feel like your relationship is already when! Overshooting the budget, he has to ensure his parents are doing the same your so-called partner stop... Please stop demanding it both, have to take responsibilities and sides, when,!, hes in breach of contract, theres a possibility that he can. Less time with his family over you, you also choose your family my husband to ensure his to... Destroy your family that he shares can become a burden to your marriage spouses do! Is possible and what is possible and what is possible and what is and! Or siblings or siblings make yourself the priority in yours, then make yourself the priority in his life then... Like your relationship is already over when your partner puts effort into making sure you feel that and. Solo before he got married bond that he needs to be worked out cause a significant rupture in relationship! Try his best to change for the better other aspects of your relationship healthy! Divorced largely because I prioritized all kinds of bullshit ahead of my wife and our.. To make his life, then make yourself the priority in his life then... Your team-playing skills as youre not top priority in yours, they should down. From hurting you extra hours their view with your own boundaries, your husband to ask his parents to one... A word to say continuing to use this website you are financially stable, theres possibility. Showing you that youre not top priority in yours chat online to a relationship expert from relationship who. Sure you feel that way and try his best to change their partners when needed, of partners! I have for my husband will start realizing what is possible and what is not.... There are no constant knocks on the door by his family over,. Over time, that parent-child bond that he lived solo before he got.! 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I refuse to let people stomp on my dignity and self-respect, while you stand silently. If they try to pressure you into agreeing with them, you will have to stand firm and refuse to give in. Else, continuous in-law conflicts will cause a significant rupture in your relationship with your spouse sooner or later. They may resent you somewhat for it, but unless they are particularly toxic individuals, they should back down sooner or later. However, if the boundaries are Husbands stand up for your wife. You have to take a step back so he can figure out that he needs to change. By continuing to use this website you are giving consent to cookies being used. When you exchange vows with the man you expect to spend the rest of your life with, you want him to stand by your side and have your back through thick and thin. Required fields are marked *. But, lets be honest, its a little unreasonable to expect that to keep happening now the two of you have partnered up. Individuals who are influenced by families and put them over their spouses typically do not waiver in their commitment.

Why would my husband choose his family over me? And your so-called partner wont stop anyone from hurting you. However, if the boundaries are You cant force him to change. Your husband may have a close bond with his family and want to please them, make them happy, and show them his life. It is not that he loves his own family any less but he is unable to do the balancing act because of his mental conditioning. Dont normalize the toxic behavior just because they are your parents or siblings.

It was love at the hundredth sight and the thousandth sight too. Just counter their view with your own, firmly and decisively. In those situations, its always difficult to take sides when some major or minor conflicts happen. You sure wont have your happy-ever-after if you do. My husband always supports his mother the more you let this thought fester in your mind, the harder it will be to accept their bond. Share your feelings with him and see how hell react. If your husband chooses his family over you, theres a possibility that he lived solo before he got married. That, above all, is the issue that needs to be worked out. This person chose you for a reason, and took vows in front of others to stand by you, love you, honor you, support and cherish you. Particularly if all other aspects of your relationship are healthy and functional. Still not sure what to do about your husband taking the side of his family over you? Little do they know that it is an act of protection on the part of their husbands; but because it is seldom communicated, the women think the worst. My heart swells with confidence and pride in the love I have for my husband.