Surely, a card or note to the mother would be welcomed as well. Hinduism, like other great religions, has specific rituals for honoring the deceased and addressing a family's grief. Not reading or reciting anything from the holy scriptures. Likewise, the person who passes an ugly remark at a solemn family function might not even realise what he said or did was hurtful. During this time, some of the traditions will limit or restrict participation in festivals and events, as well as discourage making life-altering decisions like changing jobs or moving. After the funeral, friends may visit the bereaved, usually bringing gifts of fruit. A kind friend never leaves our hearts; they will remain with us always. Although attitudes and risk tolerances vary, no sane parent would knowingly do anything that would harm their child. 3. Here, the priest oversees every activity. Generally, one can expect to listen to mantras being chanted around the deceaseds body at a house funeral. Wearing black or pale shades are just fine unless there are specific protocols in place. Finding the proper way to express condolences can be difficult. Sharma, A. And if you plan on visiting themyoull spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. The length of the mourning period in Korea is largely dependent on the individual and is traditionally for 100 days. Suit and ties for men and dresses for women, usually in greys or dark colors, are common clothing choices. Since it is such a singular honor, one shouldn't refuse an invitation to be a pallbearer except for illness or absence from the location in which the funeral is being held. People should wear white and not black. Those who are close to the family may volunteer to do such tasks. Whether you are going to a Hindu funeral or just want to send condolences to an acquaintance, we've provided 15 thoughtful examples as a place to start. Since this is such a personal request it should be made, if at all possible, either in person or with a phone call. Not attending religious functions or celebrations. Deepest condolence messages very helpful in grief. While visiting, people tend to get drawn into conversations unrelated to the bereavement, at times even catching up on gossip. The more eulogies that are to be delivered, the shorter yours should beno less than two minutes, but no longer than eight to ten. Candles and flowers decorate the wake , as well as the funeral service and the burial ground. The funeral directors will take the body for bathing, dressing and anointing with the permission and in the presence of chosen friends and relatives before the funeral rites take place. Drop her a note periodically, or even an e-mail, to let her know you're thinking of her. Find Appropriate Sympathy & Condolence Baskets. Your personal condolence note would be especially kind, too. Hare Krishna. 2. During the thirteen-day period of mourning following the death, the presence of friends and family helps create positive karma to help prepare the soul for its next incarnation. If you do, it may cause an annoyance as the family or funeral director will have to . While every group has slightly different funeral practices, theres a general set of funeral rites that all follow in this community. Good and bad manners do exist about visiting the bereaved, albeit with some variation between cultures. It may not display this or other websites correctly. (Bhagavad Gita, 2.23-24). Relate stories that show your friend in a positive light, and handle any humor with care. Asking the person not to cry is like choking a person who is already gasping for air. Certain Hindus may choose to remain at home during the mourning period and not visit the temple. 6. The word hearty means happy and should not be confused with heart-felt. Those can include: During these thirteen days, the family and friends of the deceased are given the freedom to express their grief rather than keep it bottled up inside. She'll let you know, when you ask, whether or not she wants to see you and or needs anything. As author Arvind Sharma writes, Hinduism is not a thing; it is a process. He would more or less characterize Hinduism as a method or temperament. If you are a casual friend or extended friend: Send an email or text immediately and follow up after the. 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You are lucky he went early!, I know how you feel, I was devastated when my cat died last year!. Families differ in their religious beliefs, social preferences and cultural outlook. Just letting her know that you are thinking about her can be helpful. (2020). There may be a request to turn the patients bed so their head faces east or for the patient to be allowed to lie on the floor in the moments before death (so that they are close to mother earth and their soul can depart easily). It would be helpful if someone clarifies regarding the appropriate days to visit the members of bereaved family. is in chatting mode, Heading towards stronger foreign exchange reserves, Omar Sharif: Best bridge player in the world, KPP: The Unsung Voyager of Kerala Industry, Social media savvy cops setting example in Bengaluru, Tribunal rejects claim on early conciliation number, Priya Menon is all set to take Sankalp to the next level. The act of explaining to the son or daughter or other close relatives about the good nature and help rendered by the deceased and give condolences to them is called Enquiring about the grief. The body of the deceased should be released as quickly as possible to enable the family to prepare for the funeral. However, different Hindu groups may have different funeral rituals. The mourning period is observed at the grieving family's home and will last from 10 to 30 days. At that time, one can bright gifts like fruit. then, practice it out loud, preferably in front of another person or a mirror. E-mail shouldn't replace a handwritten condolence note, but it's a nice way to let your coworker that you're there for her. Today is a sad day for us. In the United States, cremation needs to be performed only by a licensed crematory. In many rural areas of India, gender inequalities still exist where the men adopt the head of household position. If unsure, the best thing to do is stick to something straightforward. If you are a close friend or relative: Call or text immediately, find a time to visit the bereaved at home, and continue to stay in touch on a daily basis. Whether you are going to a, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Parent, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Sibling, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Friend, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Partner or Spouse, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Child. There is no need to cover the head. Get the latest tips and resources for Londoners delivered to your inbox every month. form. The fees for the advice of an attorney should not be compared to the fees of do-it-yourself online The flowers are placed at the feet of the deceased. Such words are of little use to someone who has just lost a loved one. The bereaved person could be venting out emotions and if we simply give them our ears, it will be comforting. Only one rule should guide you in writing sympathy messages: say what you truly feel. Envisioning Fatherhood: Indian Fathers' Perceptions of an Ideal Father. May God guide your sons soul to attain the right path. The Hindu mourning period (sutak) typically lasts ten to thirteen days and includes various rituals, such as prayers and preparing certain foods, depending on the particular Hindu tradition of the family. It is appropriate to visit the home of the family as anexpression of comfort and support. Do not grieve for his body, for his soul is eternal. I remember my neighbour had a much more terrible time with the same disease. Think through how you truly feel about it. Distant relatives and more casual friends and acquaintances may prefer visiting the family at the funeral home. For the family, the trauma of having to retell the story over and over can be horrific. Your sister was a beautiful person. This reincarnation belief provides the base for Hindu funeral rites. Some people have the knack for amplifying or worsening the existing sorrow by dropping pessimistic remarks such as Ohshe was so young, she had her whole life ahead of her!, How sad it is for her children! When in doubt, silence is the best option. It could be anything from a gift of fooda casserole, a fruit basket, or some brownies for the family and their visitorsto an offer to house out-of-town relatives or friends. Traditional Hindu funeral rituals dictate that the mukhagni is only attended by men. This link will open in a new window. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. 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After the mourning period, it is appropriate to visit the deceaseds family at their place. (1995). Everyone has to wear white, including the family members and guests. Bereavement support organisations for all faiths, Useful bereavement resources for health and care professionals, Useful Good Thinking bereavement resources for all faiths. Take a look. If there is a line waiting to see the family, keep your thoughts and comments brief. Once Nirvana is attained, the reincarnation cycle ends. It is worth knowing that they are not always expecting a reply from uswe just need to listen. Hindus believe that humans are in a continuous cycle of death and rebirth calledsamsara. Common blunders while visiting the bereaved: 1. Plan a remembering celebration with family or friends. Friends may call or visit family members of the deceased to offer their condolences upon hearing of the death and may bring flowers to them at that time. Determining the best time to contact the bereaved generally depends on your relationship to the bereaved or the person who died. Weapons do not cut this Spirit, fire does not burn it, water does not make it wet, and the wind does not make it dry. He would tell you that mourning only keeps you from fulfilling your role as head of this family. Everyone in this community respected your father. Thats because they are considered to be impure spiritually during the mourning period. In this sect of Hinduism, there's no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. If thats the case, then you would express hope for the path after death to be more apparent than the one during life. Before the funeral, Catholics hold the Vigil (Wake). It's best to wait until the funeral service is over to greet the family, unless they're greeting people before the service. Please, search or browse our comprehensive online etiquette articles. Incidentally, it is perfectly acceptable not to cry, as each person processes grief differently. For some, it can be a sense of awkwardnessa fear of saying or doing something inappropriate, or an aversion to seeing grief-stricken people. A "shraddha" ceremony. Sometimes, guests also attend this ceremony. Have a shortened version ready in case you find yourself breaking down. As such, this message will work for the friend who sincerely believed in the transitory nature of the body itself. It is customary and appropriate to visit the family at home, especially during the days following the funeral. Following are a collection of questions and answers about bereavement to help guide you during difficult times. On the one-year anniversary of the death of the loved one, a memorial service is held in the family home. Share a toast. If you are a colleague or acquaintance: Send an email or handwritten note immediately. She was neatly dressed and even had her hair put up. Theyre good people inside and out, living a life marked with joy and fulfillment. You should not bring flowers to a Hindu funeral. The best thing is to work things through at your own pace. The choice of clothing should be made to show respect for the deceased and those grieving. If there is no relationship with the family, introduce yourself and briefly explain your relationship with the deceased. It is also important to listen keenlythat is, without looking at our watches in between, fidgeting with our fingers or letting our eyes wander. Well take you through some examples of condolences or sympathies below and try to iron out whats commonplace or whats appropriate in specific contexts. There, husbands and wives increasingly share household roles as dual-earners. It could even work over various social media platforms or a sympathy card. You can also donate financially if you can. Upon hearing the news of a young woman who died in a car crash, a purported well-wisher arrived at the parents home and declared: What sort of parents would allow a young woman to drive a car alone to work at night? Such words only deepen the pain and guilt that the parents are already suffering. Such dramatic statements serve no useful purpose to anybody except perhaps the perpetrator. The nominations for the 93rd Academy Awards will be announced on March 15. Shell never be forgotten. If this cultural shift is your cousins history, it might be appropriate to mention that distinction to honor them both after. Through cremation, the five basic elements, known as thepanchbhut, are returned to the universe, signifying the maintenance of cosmic equilibrium. Those who are emotionally close to the bereaved person may quietly ask How are you and give them a chance to express their feelings. This is an important death ritual, which usually takes place throughout the mourning period. If You're More Casually Acquainted With The Person Who Died Or The Bereaved Unfortunately, while social topics like table manners get discussed at home or at school, most of us have not received any formal training on this sombre topic. There will be things to be done at the home, such as taking care of guests or handling phone calls. What to Send: Sympathy flowers and sympathy cards are appropriate Hindu funeral rites Hindu funeral service: Traditionally, the body remains at the home of the deceased or in a funeral parlor until it is cremated, which is usually within 24 hours after death. Are others going to be speaking about her? If you knew him, some kind words about himperhaps an anecdotewould mean a lot. Available to ship anywhere in the U.S. After the cremation service, the family will return home and perform Hindu death rituals such as ceremonial bathing. You could certainly send her a personal note expressing your condolences. subject to our Terms of Use. Send hand-selected and thoughtful gifts appropriate for those of the Hindu faith to let them know you care. There is no official time frame for writing notes of appreciation to those who have extended their condolences and kindness to you. Responding to a Clients Note of Appreciation, Addressing a Former President of the United States, Complete Guide to Writing Thank You Notes, Attire Guide: Dress Codes from Casual to White Tie, Five Tips for Looking Crisp and Keeping Cool in the Workplace, How to Help When Someone is in the Hospital, Definition of Etiquette - Consideration, Respect and Honesty, Wedding Etiquette 101: Everything You Need to Know. https://www.learnreligions.com/healing-words-for-tragic-times-1770148. If you are a friend of a friend: Send an email or handwritten note at your convenience. The coffin is generally open, and guests are expected to look upon the body and be seated in the room for the service, which is conducted by a priest or a senior member of the family. It is important to identify a persons religious inclinations at the start of their care and to find out what they need when approaching the end of life. In some cases, it would then be appropriate to recognize this care and give it the honor it deserves. In our cosmopolitan society, its not uncommon to know or work with people from all over the world. Before making your decision, take time to consider the family's request. While there's no rule book, the visitation, whether held at a funeral home or the family's home, is a good opportunity to express your condolences. There are almost never any honorary pallbearers at the funeral of a Christian woman, but at a Jewish funeral both men and women may have honorary pallbearers. As Narayanan explains, "Rituals give us a way of cathartically dealing with our grief. This article is written to highlight the dos and the dont-s in most situations. Though a useful principle to follow universally, it is most handy while visiting the bereaved. The person who made the comment might not have meant badly, but wrongful words and actions can cause a lot of hurt in these delicate situations. When someone experiences the loss of a loved one, visiting the bereaved in person is a thoughtful way to convey the deepest sympathy and offer support. If the bereaved person would rather speak to someone they dont know or needs additional support, specialist bereavement support services (see below) are available. Flowers play a significant role in Hindu funerals but are used much differently from those in Western funerals. Another common mistake is to pass remarks on how the family could have taken better care of the person who passed. Deciding to stop by at a funeral on the way to a wedding, therefore, can be suicidal. The family may return to work following the thirteen-day period of mourning. It's appropriate to visit the family at their home after their period of mourning, which typically lasts 10 days.